The Day Everyone Owned Axel
by bubblegum x princess
Summary: Exactly what it sounds like. Axel gets owned by everyone. Even Demyx. Even...Axel? I to XIII. Rated for the pure pain I put Number VIII through.[oneshot]


**The Day Everyone Owned Axel**

**Author:** bubblegum x princess.

**Genre:** Humor.

**Rating:** PG 13, for pure ownage.

**Summary: **Axel gets owned, all in the course of one day, by everyone. I through XIII. I love Axel, why do I do this to him?

**Author's Notes:** This was inspired by The Day Everything Owned Cloud, by Sephulbadis, which is nothing short of hilarity.

**Disclaimer:** Dear World, I don't own it. Disney and Square Enix do. Love, Emmie.

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**I. Xemnas Owns Axel**

Axel wakes with a jolt, scowling deeply. It's times like this that he's reminded of just how much he wants to curse the Organization for all it's worth.

_Stupid Xemnas and his stupid idea to install stupid customized alarm clocks in all our stupid rooms,_ Axel grouses.

After all, who wants to wake up to the sound of the Superior's voice purring gently in their ear, 'It's seven o'clock, Number VIII. Have a Very Organization Day!'?

**II. Xigbar Owns Axel**

"You know what those little marks on your face remind me of, man?" Xigbar says in his surfer-dude-like way, hanging upside down from the ceiling in front of Axel.

Axel is not in the mood for this. "I know, I know," he sighs. "Teardrops. Everyone always tells me that."

"Not quite." Xigbar grins and the eye Axel can see lights up. There's the sound of guns cocking. "Bulls eyes."

**III. Xaldin Owns Axel**

There was a tray of muffins on the breakfast table, and they smelled _delicious_. Axel hadn't had a muffin in a long time.

He makes his way down to the other end of the kitchen, noticing with glee that there is one blueberry muffin left. The rest are cinnamon-raisin, which are simply not as good. There was nothing more that Axel wanted at that moment than that last blueberry muffin.

He reaches out to take it, already licking his lips, when a spear _zooms_ right by him, skewering the last blueberry muffin and pinning it to the far wall.

"What the-?!" Axel jumps about a foot in the air and wildly glances around.

Xaldin is already yanking the spear out of the wall, the small pastry falling into his hand. He takes a large bite, _mmm_-ing appreciatively.

Axel watches him leave the kitchen, slinging his trusty spear over his shoulder as he says, "I just love blueberry muffins. The cinnamon-raisin ones are simply not as good."

Axel's mouth falls open.

**IV. Vexen Owns Axel**

It was lunchtime. Axel was late. By the time he makes it to the dining hall, wheezing and out of breath from all the running he did to get there (_why_ hadn't he used a dark portal, again?) everyone is already seated, listening intently to something Number IV is saying.

"I'm sorry I'm late!" Axel gasps, sliding into his chair, cutting Vexen off mid-sentence.

Everyone looks at him as he grabs his glass of water and takes a long swig. Then, his entire body goes numb and stiff as a board, and he falls off his chair with a thud, twitching on the floor.

"As I was saying," Vexen says with a satisfied smirk, "Today is experiment day. Looks like Number VIII got the lucky glass."

**V. Lexaeus Owns Axel**

"Whose idea was this, anyway?" Axel asks curiously.

"One of the Superior's many Organization-bonding activities," Roxas mutters with an accompanying eye roll.

"Axel!" the Superior barks, "You're up! Time for your match."

Axel steps forward hesitantly. "No weapons at all?"

"It is an arm-wrestling match, Number VIII," the Superior expels, looking mildly harassed. "Now for your opponent…" He scans the list in his hand, then a rather wicked gleam creeps into his eyes. "Number V."

Lexaeus strolls forward, cracking his knuckles threateningly.

Axel pales. "Can we have a five minute break?"

Lexaeus gives a booming chuckle. "It won't even take five minutes. Did you want that break clean or just a fracture?"

**VI. Zexion Owns Axel**

"The way you can identify people just by their smell is kind of creepy," Axel says frankly.

Zexion does not look fazed. "It is easier to do with some than it is for others."

Axel looks interested. "Really? Is it easier with me?"

Zexion nods.

"Why?"

Number VI looks at him. "Because you use that strawberry-scented shampoo."

Axel turns as red as his fruity-smelling hair, gets up and walks away, since there is nothing he can say to that.

**VII. Saix Owns Axel**

"Don't you ever get tired of doing everything the Superior tells you to do?" Axel wonders, idly toying with his gloved fingers.

"I respect my elders, Number VIII," Saix growls irritably, "Something you would do well to learn."

Axel snorts. "But then I'd be like you. You're like the Superior's lapdog. A little puppy."

Saix's fists tighten involuntarily, his face screwing up with rage as Axel prattled on.

"…a kind of freaky puppy with blue fur and yellow eyes…" An angry snarl distracts him and he glances up.

Saix is in full berserker mode and doesn't look like a puppy so much anymore. Unless puppies are known for trying to tear off people's faces.

Axel gulps. _Oh shit…_

**VIII. Axel Owns Axel**

Axel doesn't know why he went down to Vexen's lab, especially after that fiasco at lunch. Yet there he was, staring at the strangest thing he's seen in a while.

"It's an exact copy," Vexen says with smug delight, watching the specially designed Axel clone he had created. "Engineered to explore your unique possession."

"Devastatingly good looks and irresistible charm?" Axel guesses, poking the replica in the forehead.

A second later, a pair of blazing chakrams burst into existence, swiping the real Axel clean off his feet.

Vexen stands over the charred, sizzling Nobody. "No," he corrects. "Fire power."

**IX. Demyx Owns Axel**

"Are you familiar with the concept of attraction?"

Axel looks bewildered, because did that scientific talk just come out of _Demyx's_ mouth? "Um," he says.

"You know," Demyx elaborates, plucking at the strings of his sitar, "attraction. Like how people always say that opposites attract."

Axel shrugs and continues his training session, willing his burning hot fire to surround him in blazing licks of flame. "That's sort of stupid," he answers, a bit appeased, because now Demyx is grinning, which is more like him.

"You think so?" the blonde muses. "I don't know. I think it could work."

"Impossible," Axel scoffs, and thickens the wall of fire. "Look at us. Fire and water. Complete opposites. They don't exactly get along, do they?"

The last thing he sees before he is positively _drenched_ in cool, clear water is Demyx's grin, brighter than ever. He stands there, shocked and lightly steaming, all traces of fire completely extinguished.

"You're right, Axel," Demyx says cheerfully, getting up to leave. "I'll be sure to come to you next time I need a scientific matter cleared up."

**X. Luxord Owns Axel**

"Call," Axel orders fiercely, glaring around at the Assassins who sit with him.

The Assassin on his left places a full house on the table. The second throws down a straight in clubs. The last sets a royal flush in front of Axel's astonished face.

"Aaaargh!" he cries, letting his measly two-of-a-kind flutter to the table so he can grab fistfuls of his hair. "How am I supposed to beat Luxord if I can't even win against my own servants?!"

The Assassins look at each other and say nothing of the secret late-night poker lessons Number X has been giving them.

**XI. Marluxia Owns Axel**

"Ah, finally, a bright spot in my day," Axel practically sings, making his way down to the laundry room. "Nice clean clothes. Can't get much better than that."

As elated as he was, he barely glances at the garments he pulls from the dryer and shoves into a basket to bring up to his room.

His mood is only dampened when he reaches his dresser and remembers that Marluxia decided to do his laundry today too.

Axel's scowl deepens with every pink sock and pair of boxers he folds and puts away.

**XII. Larxene Owns Axel**

"This is the most idiotic assignment ever," Axel groans, feeling quite sorry for himself.

Larxene glares at him. "Maybe if you stopped complaining we would get done faster."

"I can't help it!" Axel moans. "Why'd the Superior stick it to us like this? Why do we have to be in charge of sharpening all the weapons in the armory? I didn't even know we _had_ an armory."

Larxene lightly runs a fingertip over the expertly-sharpened blade she holds in one hand, and then places it in the completed pile. "Axel. Shut up and work."

He works, but with the amount of whining he's doing he doesn't get much done. Larxene wonders if she would be able to finish faster by herself. Probably.

If only he would _stop talking!_

"Hey, Axel." Axel pauses to look at her. "Here, hold this for a second."

Axel takes the long, sleek sword she holds out to him without objection. After all, there is still so much else he needs to gripe about.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to hold anything metal in a lightning storm?" Larxene asks suddenly, peering at him through narrowed eyes.

"…huh?" Axel looks around. "There's no lightning in here…" He trails off as he sees sparks flicker from Larxene's hands, electricity beginning to crackle along the length of her arms.

There is too much metal around. "Larxene!" he cries in a last-ditch effort. "Don't give me something _else_ to complain about!"

He is abruptly silenced.

**XIII. Roxas Owns Axel**

Axel bangs into room number XIII and slumps down into the armchair. "Ugh, I had such a bad day," he announces.

"Don't you knock?" Roxas says from his bed, sounding like he doesn't really mind.

"I swear," Axel continues dramatically, burying his face in his hands, "if I had a heart, it would've been crushed to bits about a million times. I guess it's a good thing I have a best friend who I can talk to and count on, huh?"

Silence.

He looks up. Roxas has fallen asleep.

Axel gets up and leaves. Today sucks.

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the end.


End file.
